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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

They Finally Found Love But Are Denied Their Rights

From Full Marriage Equality:
I am a forty-four year old adult adoptee and mother of two in a loving relationship with my seventy year old genetic father. My childhood was anything but happy. I had a cruel, abusive adoptive father. I got married very young and the marriage only lasted a couple of years. I married my second husband a year after the divorce. I’ve been separated from him for ten years. I now live with my two kids, my genetic father/partner, and my ex.
[...] I found my father with one internet search. For years I only had three clues about my father: his first name, his best friend's from childhood's name, and where he was living around the time I was born. I was able to track down his best friend who told me my father's last name. It was an unusual last name which made him very easy to find. My father never knew about me. He dated my mother briefly in but they parted ways before I was born. He never even knew she was pregnant with me.
[...] My adult life up until that time was comfortably middle-class. I had a beautiful home, two adorable children, and a great job working as a hairstylist in a busy salon. When my father and I reunited I had been unhappily married for 14 years. My husband was a devout Christian who refused to be intimate with me except to have children. We were more like brother and sister than husband and wife. At one point my husband told me that he wanted me to find someone new, but at the time I too was a devout Christian so "adultery" was out of the question. So was divorce. I felt trapped and lonely.
[...] I met my father in person four months after I first made contact with him. We met at his favorite restaurant with my husband and kids in tow. The first thing I noticed about him was was how ruggedly handsome he was. He even smelled wonderful. He was, and still is, the man of my dreams. [...] I was giddy with excitement. It was love at first sight. Everything about him turned me on.
[...] We had our "official" first date three days after I arrived in the town where he lived with my husband and kids in tow. My father stopped by my hotel late on the third evening and asked my husband if he could take me somewhere. I couldn't believe my father was asking my husband for permission to take me out! Of course we never made it there. Instead we ended up going to his place. It was there that we kissed for the first time.
A month later he packed up his stuff and moved to be closer to me and my family. I spent every weekend at his place, I even took a job near his home so I would have an excuse to spend more time with him. From the very beginning my husband knew about my affair with my father. His reaction was typical of someone who is unfamiliar with Genetic Sexual Attraction: He thought it was "sick" and "weird".
[...] We both felt a strong sexual attraction to one another from the very beginning of our relationship. We’d talked on the phone every day for four months before we met in person, and we discussed our feelings for one another and what might happen if we were ever alone together. [...] We were both blindsided by the intense sexual attraction we felt for one another. At first we thought there was something wrong with us. It would have been much easier if we has known about Genetic Sexual Attraction before we reunited. [...] We didn't know what to make of it. He took it much harder than I did. [...] I had fantasized about meeting my birth father for as long as I could remember, but I never imagined that I would fall head over heels in love with him.  
[...] We’ve been together ten years. We've had our ups and downs like any other couple, but our love for one another is very strong. [...] I see him as a lover. I have never seen him as a father. He is the love of my life.
[...] The only people who know the true nature of our relationship are my kids, my ex and a few people I have connected with online. Everyone accepts our relationship, especially my daughter. [...] We usually act like a couple when we are in public, but whenever we are around my father's friends we are strictly father and daughter, though I'm sure some of them have figured it out by now. [...] It doesn't bother me if they disapprove. How I live my life is none of their business.
[...] People who are related by blood who later meet as adults are strangers in every sense of the word. If both people involved are consenting adults, they should have the same rights to enjoy a sexual relationship as everyone else. [...] Yes, absolutely [we would get married if we could]. [...] Don't ever let anyone tell you that what you are feeling is wrong, or that you are not normal. GSA is a normal response to an abnormal situation. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it.
From a comment:
[...] [I]t is true that my ex-husband not only accepted my relationship with my genetic father while we were still married, he openly encouraged it. [Full Marriage Equality] is correct in assuming that my ex-husband had/has other issues. All the signs pointed to him being gay and in denial. It is not unheard of for a gay man to marry a straight woman, especially when the man is a devout Christian who believes homosexuality is a sin. Not surprisingly, my ex has not dated another woman in the ten years since our marriage ended.
And a final update:
Sadly, the man in this interview has passed away at the age of 70 due to a terminal illness. [...] "He died at home... I was with him until the very end. I am still in complete shock. He was, and still is, the love of my life."

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