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Thursday, January 22, 2015

Australian Couple Denied Their Freedom to Marry

From Full Marriage Equality:
[I and my brother] are both in our late thirties, Caucasian, and live in Australia. [...] [We both] come from middle income families with many brothers and sisters, some half, some full and some through our adoptions. [...] I was married for a long time. The relationship dissolved on good grounds. It wasn't long after the marriage end that our relationship started. We live with my children.
[...] We had no contact growing up after we were given up for adoption. I was a preschooler and he was a toddler when we were put in a children’s home. We didn't meet again until our late teens when the adoption laws in Australia changed and allowed us to find each other.
[...] [Our becoming involved] was definitely a sudden event from my point of view. He says that he had been thinking about it and fantasizing about it for a while. He made the first move in my opinion, but he likes to remind me that I didn't argue with him. We had both probably had a few too many drinks that night which helped to let our guards down. My memory of the night is a little more sketchy than his as I don't really drink. [...] [I felt n]ervous, curious and excited. I wanted to touch him and much as he did me. To feel the closeness that we were both looking for at the time. [...] Legally we both knew that it shouldn't be happening. It has never felt wrong. When we are together it just feels right.
[...] [We've b]een 'together' five years committed to each other for three and living as a married couple for the past year. He is my brother, best friend, partner, lover and the only person on the planet that can push me to the point that I want to strangle him while I am curled up on his chest. I can't imagine being without him and he has said me to me that we would run away if we had to. [...] I am the same to him as he is to me. I am his rock and he is mine.
[...] One friend found out at a rather difficult moment of my life. She didn't take it well. She had always hoped that they could have a relationship. She had always had a crush on him and had a one night stand once. She threatened to call child protection and the police. I had to convince her that it wasn’t going on and now don't speak to her anymore. As for family they have had their suspicions but have never had any proof. No one knows us as a couple and we don't tend to be able to go away as I am primary caregiver of my kids.
[...] The disadvantages are huge, such as the inability to behave like a normal couple around family and friends, and not being able to tell people how happy you are. The family are constantly telling us that we should find ourselves someone special, that we don't want to be alone all our lives. You can tell them a thousand times that you are happy but they just say 'yes right now you are but what about later on?' On the flip side I think that the advantage is the level of trust. We know each other better than we know ourselves some times. He has my back and I have his. We protect each other from the outside world.  Our bedroom is our bubble. No one can hurt us in here. 
[...] I am neither the prey nor predator and nor is he. We are both very willing participants. If people disapprove that is their business. We don't impart our beliefs on their lives so they can butt out of ours. We don't ask for their opinions or permission. Nor do we push our choice on anyone else.
[...] One day we would like to 'run away' i.e. create some distance so that we can try and live a somewhat normal existence. TRAVEL!!! He once told me that he looks forward to walking around Venice, holding my hand and kissing me if he chooses to without fear of being caught. I can't wait to feel that sort of freedom.
[...] You can't always choose who you fall in love with, who makes you feel safe and sexy, who you can't be without, who you would move heaven and earth for, who you would give your life for. We can't change how we feel about each other nor do we want to. Who has the right to tell us that we can't be together?  Does anyone have the right to make us miserable by forcing us to live separate lives?  What is anyone going to gain from that?  I love him with all of my being and he loves me with every thing he has.  That's all that really matters.

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