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Thursday, January 22, 2015

"I am sleeping with my biological brother"

Again Reddit provideth (a perfect example of how social stigma makes relationships unnecessarily complicated and difficult):
I am 19, my brother is 21. We've been having sex since I was 16. Absolutely no one knows, I've never even told a friend and I would like to keep our identities private. If our parents or family members found out, our lives would be destroyed. I also initiated it.
[...] Yes, it's a big problem because it could hurt the people we love and it's illegal. It's a problem because the future is unknown and it could hurt our relationship. Right now, we are hiding it pretty well. We are very happy when we are together and we love each other. It's really complicated and it's not black and white.
  • [...] being with him compared to other guys, does it have a different, more personal feeling to it? i say this based on how smelling your partner can be a big part of the experience - having it be someone who is family, is that different, does it feel more like an extension of yourself?
Yes. As I said in another part of this thread, I have slept with one other person and it was very different. It was enjoyable but most of the time, I was thinking of my brother. It felt weird. I know that must sound really strange but I wanted it to be my brother and not this person.
  • also, did you guys have any unusually close experiences together as children?
Yes. My Mother was in a car accident when we were younger and she was immobile for a little over a year. My brother mostly took care of me and we leaned on each other quite a bit. My father was always busy, never really in our lives. He's a great guy but he's really focused on his work.
[...] It did start out as experimenting and I think it's mainly my fault. We had to share a bed, as we had relatives staying with us for a week. I'll spare you the details but I woke up on top of him and I started fondling him. He didn't ask me to stop and we started fooling around since that day. It just progressed over time.
  • [...] What view do you and your brother have on this and about eachother?
We both know it's really fucked up but we both enjoy it, so we don't stop. We've only ever cared about hurting our family.
  • Does this interfere with relationships with others?
In the beginning no. We would continue having relationships with other people. However, lately he does not want me to be with anyone but him. It's become an issue.
[...] He doesn't want me to sleep with anyone else and it's been making him uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable and insanely jealous are two different things.
[...] This is very difficult to explain. I love my brother, like a sister loves her brother normally. I am protective over him, I care about him and his choices and I'm proud of him too. We also argue like siblings. However, I do feel love for him in the sense of a romantic love. It's become stronger over time. I think that's why we started kissing as much as we have lately. It's turning into something more. I'm sorry if that doesn't make much sense. I don't really think it does anyway.
[...] I don't think we could [run away together]. It's definitely not an option right now, as we are both in college and depend on our parents for financial support.
[...] [My brother's] always been understanding and he knows that our relationship (as screwed up as it may be) is not normal and we can never have a normal relationship.
[...] We love each other and we enjoy having sex. Should I stop because it makes you feel uncomfortable? We should stop because it could end badly. I don't know the future but we are enjoying ourselves and not hurting anyone.
[...] [What if we're meant to be together?] I don't have the answer to that. It's sad all around but we try. We both know it will have to end someday and it's not just about sex for us. We really do care and love each other but it would ruin the lives of our family members if they found out.
[...] I don't know how common it is. This is the first I'm ever talked about it and even with the negative comments, it still feels good to let it off my chest.
  • [...] If there wasn't so much of a taboo against it, and of course the legality, would you be more open about it and possibly turn it into a legitimate relationship? In the way that you'd debate marriage, etc.
Yes, I'm sure we would. We have fun together. It's not just about sex but we make each other laugh, we hardly argue. We have good relationship. He's an awesome person.
And thank you for sharing how you would feel. I know that not everyone out there would be immediately disgusted (at least I'm hoping) and I hope too, that they would see me for what kind of person I am, instead of immediately jumping to conclusions.
[...] My parents are awesome, I really don't think there is anything they could of done to prevent it.
[...] I'm sure my brother and I would stay close no matter what. I think that if our parents found out, they would be heartbroken more than anything but I don't think they would kick us out or hate us. They would probably ask us to stop and seek help. Our parents are pretty cool people and I couldn't see them disowning us.
However, I know it would change everything and it would destroy them, I'm sure. We will do everything to make sure, that they would never find out.
[...] I have had boyfriends, I have also slept with someone else and I do get hit on frequently. I'd rather be with my brother at the moment, than with some other guy. But who knows? I might meet someone better than my brother ... haven't yet, but it could happen.
[...] I've slept with one other person and strangely it felt really weird to me. I wanted my brother ... it's really fucked up to read that. I don't know.
I know that he has slept with other women. He's very attractive and has dated a lot of girls. I don't know how I feel about it and try not to think about it honestly.
[...] It's more like I just enjoy having sex with someone who happens to be my brother. He's attractive and we love/care for each other. There is definitely a thrill to hiding it and sneaking around. We have definitely found creative places to fool around in.
[...] I was taking a shower and my brother came in to fool around with me. He thought that our parents had already left that morning to work, however my Dad came back home because he left his cell. [...] [M]y Dad knocked on the door. Considering the situation, I stayed calm and yelled, "What do you want". He was looking for my brother and said he couldn't find him anywhere and that his car was parked in the driveway. I lied and said he went to "Jon's" house down the street. Luckily, our Dad never went to check on him.
Another time was when we were at our Grandparent's house and we had to share one of those old pull out couches. We started to have sex and my Grandmother walked in the room and asked out loud where her remote to her TV was. We just paused and laid quietly and she walked out of the room. She even looked at our bed but I guess because she was old and she has cataracts, she couldn't see very well. She must of thought we were asleep. That was pretty scary.
There were other times but [they're] not that interesting. It usually involved one us quickly putting our clothes on and running into the next room.
[...] Sometimes I think it's amazing that we have kept this a secret for such a long time too. [...] [P]eople can hide things from their parents for years. We successfully did and if they have had any suspicions, they have never told us.
  • [...] Have you ever felt that friends/family might suspect anything at all between you and your brother?
Sometimes I wonder if my friends suspect anything because I turn down a lot of guys and I'm always with him (brother) but they have never mentioned anything.
[...] You have to understand, that it's not like we sit next to each other in our parent's home, holding hands. We act (even when alone) like brother and sister. We laugh and joke around. Were NEVER romantic in public, ever. So, I don't think anyone would know, unless they were in the bedroom with us.
[...] We don't do anything obvious, like hold hands or kiss but we do laugh and joke around together in front of our friends. He sometimes picks me up and spins me around but I think to the outside, we act just like siblings. We're not affectionate in front of others at all.
  • [...] Do you ever think about what this will be like in the future, when you've stopped the sexual relationship and maybe both have your own spouses/children? Will there be awkwardness?
I've thought about it and we have talked. We know we should end it but we don't want to right now. Like I said, I don't have all the answers and I'm confused about what I should do. We love each other, we enjoy sex and being close.
With that being said, I'm sure it would be awkward but oddly, we are family. We will be in each other's life regardless. If he wanted to end it today, I would respect that and try my hardest to move on and let go.
  • [...] Would you tell your spouse about what happened in the past with your brother?
I would definitely tell my spouse and/or someone I was in a serious, serious relationship with. It would be hard but they would need to know.
[...] I'm also not so delusional to think that if I did tell someone close what I have been doing that they would stay and love me. What I meant, is that I would risk losing that person to be honest. I wouldn't stay with someone, have children with them and live a lie.
From another thread:
  • do other incest-related things turn you on, i.e "incest" porn instead of regular porn?
No, not [at] all really. [...]
have you had any incestuous thoughts about other family members?
Absolutely not.
[...] We didn't have to but we grew up sometimes sharing each other's beds. I would get scared when I was little and would run in my brothers room to sleep in his bed. We never thought anything of it. We did however share his bed that night, as a lot of relatives came over for the holidays and I gave up my room.
[...] It's hard to explain my relationship, in the sense of how it progressed. In the beginning it was just for fun, though we cared about each other, it was just mostly sexual. As time went by, he started kissing me more and I kept protesting. I did not want it to turn into a relationship. So, we would continue to date other people and we tried very hard but as time went by, it was just inevitable. The night we made it official is when I came back home from going out on a date. I didn't think he would be at our parent's house but he was. He saw how I was dressed and he asked where I had been. I was honest and told him. He completely broke down and begged me to not be with anyone else. He said he [had] fallen in love with me and he doesn't even want anyone else. I think all of the emotions that we had been holding back, just came out in a flood. We agreed that night, to only be together. So far, it is amazing and we get a long incredibly well.
[...] No one knows and we will never tell. My best friend, who I've known since I was 6, has no idea. It's just too risky and it would be a big mistake.
  • [...] have you developed firm plans for how to make your getaway after uni, et cetera
Nothing is set in stone. We are in college and we have awhile to go before we could ever consider leaving. When the time comes, we will have a lot of tough choices to make. It's going to be terrifying but I think it's worth it.
[...] I think it started out as experimenting and fooling around and then it turned into something more over time. I started having stronger feelings for him when we started having sex regularly. I know it sounds weird, considering everything, but I didn't want to admit that I was "falling" in love with my brother. When he expressed how he felt that night, I knew I felt the same way. I've tried dating and being intimate with other guys but it never felt as good or as right. I also never thought we could have a relationship or that he wanted something more than just sex.
[...] We are in the process of getting an apartment together and saying that we will be "roommates". In the past, we have traveled out of state to stay at hotels. [...] It's near impossible to be together in public. Way too risky! We are hoping that after school, we can both move away and live together somewhere else.
[...] We both love each other very much and we want it to work, but the odds are against us. We are just trying to live in the moment and be happy.
[...] I was also worried about him. I want him to have a "normal" relationship with a girl, where he can get married to her, have children ... no secrets. I hate taking that away from him and that's honestly the hardest part about all of this. He shouldn't have to give up so much, just to be with me. I feel like since I was the one who started this all, it's my fault. Sometimes, I feel like I should just push him away so he can live a normal life and have a "normal" relationship. I've talked to him about this so many times but he gets really upset and he thinks I'm trying to end it. I feel really selfish.
[...] [My feelings are] hard to explain. I love him very much as my brother. I care for him greatly and now it's turned into a romantic kind of love.
[...] I'm pretty sure our friends would be completely disgusted [if they found out] and I know it would kill my parents. It would be devastating to everyone we know and I'm hoping that will never happen. [...] We are very close to our parents and were hoping we can keep this secret from them forever.

1 comment:

  1. My sister and I were lovers for a period of three years, attending the same out of town university and sharing an apartment. It suited us both (we both are blessed with a high libido), as we regarded each other as the ideal partner. Besides, it was convenient (sex under the same roof), and we knew each others' sex history, thereby reducing the risk of contracting an STD.
    Our parents did not know about it, although we suspect our mother has her reservations and suspicions. She once inquired whether my sister was on the contraceptive pill. To which my sister replied: "Why one earth would you ask something like that, mum?". Mother replied: "Well, I know how the young people of today sleep around, and I do not want you to become pregnane, especially not by your brother."
    Sis and myum never discussed the topic further..... At least mum did not convey her suspicions to dad, because he would have killed us if he found out. For us it was the best times of our lives.