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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

A Sister Takes Questions on Reddit

Via Full Marriage Equality, Reddit provideth:
Between the ages of 15 and 20 I was in a sexual relationship with my brother. You may ask me anything.
  • Note that English is my third language. I'll try to keep my responses at least readable, though.
[...] [I'm from] Sweden. [...] [I'm] 29.[...] My brother is two and a half years older than me.
[...] We definitely had romantic feelings for each other, the sex was just one of the ways that we express them. I haven't had a great many other partners, but the sex I had with my brother was comparatively very intimate, slowly paced, gentle and loving. Of course it was also, by necessity, very quiet.
[...] We rarely fought, but we're both fairly unconfrontational people, and I find it hard to stay angry with familymembers in general anyway. It was definitely a romantic relationship, but whenever we weren't alone we of course acted just like any other pair of siblings. It was really a wonderful feeling to be so closely connected and in tune with another person.
[...] We both had several "WTF are we doing!?" moments, but every time we both kinda just shrugged and figured it was no one else's business what we were doing.
[...] I guess it started when we were 7 and 5, playing doctor, sharing a bed and exploring each other's bodies. It just kind of naturally(?) evolved from there until we were both old enough to start having sex.
[...] I'm not sure [if my parents know]. I think they may have suspected something was going on at the time. The issue has never been raised.
  • [...] Have you ever been jealous of any of his relationships?
A little bit at first, but not at all any longer. He's now married to an awesome woman, who I am proud to call my friend.
[...] My brother is still one of my best friends, though we don't talk much about our sexual relationship these days. He's married to a wonderful woman, but there are no neices or nephews yet.I have no children, myself.
[...] It was great while it lasted, but we have a different relationship, now. A more normal relationship, I suppose.
[...] We found other relationships, and sort of realized that what we were doing wouldn't last anyway. There was no abrupt end to it, it just kinda faded away in time.
[...] [There was no sexual abuse] at all [in our youth]. [...] I certainly view that period of my life as beneficial, and I'm pretty sure my brother does as well.
[...] I don't think [his wife knows], but I don't know for sure.
[...] Father may have suspected something was up. It's very hard to keep a secret from him. He's also not really the kind of person who would confront us about it. I'm sure mother never knew. She would have gone ballistic.
[...] Very few people know. It's hard to find anyone to trust not to spread such information. [...] I mostly feel guilt because people say I should, if you get what I mean. I thought it was pretty great at the time, but it's hard to talk about without people smashing the stigma in your face. Overall I don't think it's that big of a deal, really. It was great at the time, now a days I don't think much about it.
[...] Most [I've told] have reacted with revulsion, which I can kinda understand, but some have claimed that I was abused by my brother, which was certainly not the case. They seem to believe that the whole situation was so unthinkable to their minds that I must have been raped, even when I maintain that so was certainly not the case. People react pretty violently either way, so I tend not to tell my friends about it. Saves me the trouble.
[...] I was terrified [about being discovered] at times, but idea that our love was secret, and that the outside world would never understand was also very enticing to me. Silly, I know, but I was young.
[...] Of course it makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint why siblings don't find each other attractive. I suppose we just didn't have that mental lock.
[...] Well, we're not attracted to each other now, but we very much were back then. I've never been attracted to any other member of my family apart from my brother, so I absolutely get what you're saying.
  • [...] Wow. I never thought I'd find a place on the internet that's welcoming to people who have had sex with their sibling, but here it is, I guess. I hope you get some help.
Help with something that happened a decade ago that had no detrimental effect on me or anyone else on the planet? Yeah, I'll get right on that.

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