An anonymous user on Tumblr asked:
I hope this doesn't sound weird and I'm sure you get asked all the time,
but why are you for incestuous / consaguinamory relationships and
marriages? Every example I've ever heard has come from a background of
abuse, or perhaps neglect from parents to have exposure to the outside
world. I want to understand though, I want to understand in what context
you believe this is okay and not abusive, and why you believe that it
should be fought for?
It’s not weird, but others get asked it more than me. Before, people
would just unfollow me. It’s more unusual for someone to ask about it
before passing judgment.
One of the things you should notice is
that there isn’t any child abuse in any of the cases I’ve posted about,
unless I’m taking someone to task for it. I hate the equation of
“incest” (I hate how broadly we use that word) with familial child
abuse, in the same way that I hate how homophobes equate all homosexuals
with men who abuse young boys - and yes, they do make that equation. It
seems that some of my followers
can make this distinction, too.
You want to know why? Because when I see two consenting adults who’ve
fallen in love and want to build a life together, I think it’s
beautiful. And then I have to sit and watch as
everyone around them tars and feathers them,
beats and strangles them, shames them, throws them in jail, and
puts them on the sex offender registry for life. People who’ve been abused speak out, because they hope they can find support from their friends. People in
non-abusive relationships don’t speak out, because
they know that their friends and family will
try to hurt them. It’s actually far more common than you realize, and I come across more and more cases all the time.
I am tired of
people killing
themselves or
getting murdered by
their families.
It sickens me when our society cares more about punishing
non-conformity than helping the victims of real abuse. Our society is
far too prurient. When people celebrate gay men getting married, no-one
seems to get all that confused about the lack of equivalence with adult
men sexually abusing young boys, but if the two are half-siblings,
suddenly it gets extremely confusing for people. It’s totally legal to
return to your home town after college and marry your old teacher, but
if you have sex with a woman who never raised you, but who happened to
have carried you for 9 months, suddenly you’re a sex offender. None of
that sounds sane to me.
What you’re talking about is a major assumption, and it’s one that’s
created by stereotypes perpetuated by our culture and the media. I never
internalized those assumptions. Actually,
I think such
couples are
sweet.
It has also never stopped me from hating child abuse. I know and know
of people who’ve been abused by family, and people who’ve had consensual
sex with family. The two groups don’t negate each other, any more than a
priest having a romantic relationship with another man negates those
boys who’ve been victimized by priests.
Besides,
I hope you realize that
a majority of all
long-term sexual relationships between
blood-relatives are
among reunited relatives. It’s called genetic sexual attraction. Literally
every human being is
capable of it,
because our instincts evolved in a context in which 99.9% of children
were raised by their biological parent, with their biological siblings.
If you ever find yourself meeting a long lost half-sibling, you might
find your feelings changing rather quickly.
And
what about cousin couples? They’re
not even considered biologically “incestuous”, and we have no natural instincts to prevent
attraction to cousins.
Most cultures now don’t consider even 1st-cousins to be “incestuous”. Hell,
double 1st-cousins are allowed to marry under
all Abrahamic
religions, even though double 1st-cousins are as genetically related as
half-siblings. Double 1st-cousin marriage is also allowed in half the
US, and in a majority of countries. I mean,
Islam allows it, and Islam is
way stricter
about consanguinamory than Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism,
etc. The Torah doesn’t even specify a uniform punishment for all types -
siblings who’ve had sex are merely banished. (Also, the Torah allows
for uncles and nieces to marry. Remember that the next time someone
tells you that cousin marriage is “against God” or whatever.)
It’s not like the laws are universal, anyway. What’s considered
“incest” in any given culture has changed drastically over time. Now
Iranians live under Twelver Shi’i shari’ah law (mostly), but in ancient
times marriages to close relatives were venerated as holier than
exogamous marriages. Exposure to Islam and Hinduism has changed modern
Zoroastrianism to forbid such marriages, but 1st-cousin marriages are
still preferred among the Parsis. Before the Romans actively tried to
eliminate the practice, sibling marriage was preferred among the
Egyptians, and as much as a fifth of all marriages were between
siblings. The Romans even used the threat of violence to
eliminate the practice from their Kurdish Zoroastrian provinces.
Western imperialists and Christian missionaries later went around the
world and tried their best to eliminate similar practices among those
cultures which had them.
That was, of course, under systems of arranged marriage (though not
all the marriages were necessarily arranged, or unwanted by the
participants). The point is, the prohibition is pretty damn arbitrary,
and always has been. Such couples have existed since the dawn of
humanity, and in most cultures
they’ve been hunted down and tortured to death for no other reason than
people thought it was “unnatural” and a “bad omen”. Why should nice people, who aren’t even
that unusual,
be hunted down like rabid dogs and thrown away for life? Why should
their children be ripped from them and placed in foster homes where they
are actually more likely to be sexually abused? Why should society
waste its time and resources suppressing something that doesn’t need to
be suppressed, to protect nobody, and destroy families that would
otherwise contribute positively to society?
Many countries allow consanguineous sex,
anyway. Last time I checked, Brazil’s problems weren’t because they
allow consensual adults to have sex, or because they allow half-siblings
to marry. France and Japan don’t seem to be falling into ruin.
Australia and England get by while allowing 1st-cousins to marry. I have
yet to see anyone claim that France is a cesspool of child rape.
Historically, “incest” laws were not created with child welfare in mind,
and other laws exist to protect child welfare already. The bigger
problem is how effectively those laws are enforced, and whether they
need to be enforced frequently, both of which are cultural problems
related to the way societies view children and authority figures. I
respect children and don’t blindly accept something from someone with
power. I think that’s more important for preventing the abuse of
children than outlawing consanguinamory.
I can’t possibly reproduce
all of
my arguments for you here. It would be very, very long. I
haven’t even gotten to the
psychology of it,
nor even the
biology of it. Read
this; it will help you understand.
Maybe read
an account or
two.
Watch a
movie or
two or
three. There
are still plenty of things I haven’t linked to here, regardless.
Similar couples are everywhere, floating around the internet. These are
all just the ones that bother to publicize themselves. Remember that.
Don’t feel bad for asking. At least you care enough to ask.
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