"Polyamory and Pregnancy: Legal Stuff"

Without full marriage equality, polyamorous/polygamous families face even more legal complications than they should.

Probably the biggest hassle in being polyamorous and pregnant crops up when it’s time to deal with the birth certificate. (Yup, legal messes are always the worst kind.) In this case, it’s the issue of paternity.
First off, and to the best of my knowledge, as long as you aren’t legally married to anyone, you can do pretty much whatever you want with the birth certificate. Leave father blank until you have get a DNA test, put your primary down, put the partner your new baby looks like down, seriously, if you aren’t married, whoever you say is the father, is the father.

If you are legally married, then it can get complicated. (Disclaimer – I am not a lawyer, I do not know the law throughout the US, never mind the world. I have given birth in two different states, and know poly people in a few other states, and so far this issue seems very common.) Y’see, some, if not all, states, have this rule that if you are married, your legal husbands name goes on the birth certificate automatically. It’s possible you were artificially inseminated by your second male spice, to be sure that he would be the father – and you still need to jump through hoops to prove it. (My last child, my husband and I had been separated for three years, he lived half the country away and we were in the middle of a divorce – they still wanted to put his name down.)

So, if you are married, and either don’t know who the father is, or know it wasn’t your husband, what are you’re options?

Option 1: Save up for DNA testing. Yes, there are DNA tests you can get for $30 dollars through the mail – for this, they don’t count. DNA testing that will be accepted as legal evidence can run up to several hundred dollars (we paid $400 6 years ago). Save the money, inform the hospital ahead of time that you will be having the test done, and then jump through the legal hoops and forms after the birth to get the certificate straightened out.

Option 2: Amniocentesis – there is a way of testing DNA through an amnio.Obviously, all the possible side effects apply, it is probably more expensive then regular testing, though if you need to have an amnio for health reasons, you may be able to tack the DNA test on with out much extra cost. Big advantage: when the clerk shows up in your room after labor to take care of the birth certificate, you have the papers proving paternity right there.

Option 3: Put your husbands name down and don’t worry about it. You can get the $30 test later just to know what the medical history is, and otherwise who cares, you are all parents together anyway. Upside – cheapest option with the least hassle. Downside – emotional impact of the biological father of your child not being acknowledged as the legal father, or not being certain who the bio father is. Some men won’t care, some will – a lot.

Biggest biggest thing – don’t be blindsided. Happened to me twice, cuddling new baby, happily enjoying motherhood and not a care in the world – bam legal shit. You can speak with a lawyer, your local health department, or the birth registrar at the hospital about what the rules are for your state, so you know in advance what you are getting into.

Once again, full marriage equality is to protect children. Multiple paternity is a necessity for modern societies, given the complex families constructed by even monogamous heterosexual couples, let alone polycules.