Another Woman Denied Her Rights

From Full Marriage Equality:

I'd say my childhood was pretty average really, good bits and bad bits as any normal family. There was a lot of arguing and hostility between my parents and they really should have had a divorce because it often made a bad atmosphere for a day or two after an argument. On the whole, they were normal parents except for their marital problems. I always spent more time with my dad than with my mum because my mum and I never really got along all that well; a personality clash I guess. It was a shame, but you cannot force a person to like you and get along with you.

[...] [W]e were always very very careful about contraception because we feared genetic defects. I did have a child with another man after my dad I broke up. I broke up with this other man after a couple of years, though, because the relationship had gone sour and I didn't want to repeat my parents' mistakes and bring my child up in the middle of constant bickering.

It was even more than just bickering. From another source:

He was a control freak, jealous and possessive, I couldn't take it any more[, the] micromanagement and accusations of cheating (something I'd never do). In the end he became violent and that's why I ended the relationship. Despite the bad break-up, I still speak to him and he still has contact with our child. I've tried to rebuild a friendship with him based on the fact that a child deserves to know both parents, and although it's hard, I'm succeeding in that.

She continues:

Well, I remember the first day I saw [my dad] in that light because I remember thinking, "Why couldn't more blokes be just like him, easy to get along with, approachable, chilled out?" We just understood each other on so many levels. It took a few weeks before we kissed for the first time, and that was completely spontaneous, but I think on some level we both knew what was happening between us. It only took a couple of months after that for us to become full sexual partners. As for who made the first move, we both did, it was something that just happened.

She was 20 at the time.

I was trying to get my head around my feelings, because at the time I thought that we might have been wrong or perverted or something, although it certainly didn't feel that way. It's only since I've been able to speak to other people on the Internet that I've realized that my feelings and thoughts were normal and common. It was a confusing time to say the least. I wanted to be like everyone else and be able to tell people that I'd found the right guy, but with him being my dad, that was impossible. It was awful having to bottle so much up, because I was excited about the new relationship and over the moon happy. Ever tried to suppress happy? It's not easy. I knew he was my one.

[...] Before it happened, I'd actually internalized society's expectations and views, without even realizing that I'd done so. I just assumed that only screwed up people would do such a thing, and never did I suspect I was a likely candidate for such an experience. Needless to say, when things began to move in that direction, I soon changed my attitude. In every other respect we're normal people and I think this could potentially happen to anyone if they are capable of feeling attraction towards a family member. I feel some attraction towards my uncle, too. He's just unbelievably attractive... at least I think so, but he is happily married with small children and I would never want to break up their home, so I won't even go there.

[...] Since we've broken up we've remained good friends, but we keep some distance because it would be so easy to get back together again, and I don't think he would want that, even though I definitely do. I still see him as my dad, but he is also my ex-partner. The roles of being family and lover are not incompatible, in fact they go together as well as biscuits and cheese in my experience. Contrary to popular public opinion, breaking up does not result in catastrophic family meltdown. The father/daughter aspect of our relationship is completely intact.

[...] For us [having to hide] it felt like a cloud of doom hanging over us. Apart from the secrecy, there is no other disadvantage I can think of from these types of relationships, and that disadvantage wouldn't even be there if people understood what these relationships really are about. I'd say that consanguineous relationships have some special advantages, like knowing the other person more completely before committing to a relationship, they tend to be more deep. I've spoken to many online who feel this way too.

[...] First of all, [if you find out someone you know is consanguinamorous] don't panic and flip out, and don't assume that they are sick or anything. They're the same people you've always known. Their sexuality just isn't what you expected it to be. It should be no different than finding out that your relative is gay. Also, don't think that because they're consanguinamarous that they'll automatically want to have sex with any and all family members. [...] Just as straight people don't want to bed every member of the opposite sex, or gay people don't want to bed every member of the same sex, consanguineous people don't want to bed their whole family. Like in all other relationships, the mutual attraction has to be there, otherwise nothing happens. Whatever you do, don't get the police, it's really not helpful or necessary.

Elsewhere, she had this to say about how she feels:

It's been a while since that relationship ended, and so I am now a single mum, and would rather remain alone unless dad returns to me. My time with him was the happiest in my life. We've talked about everything that's happened. I know he still loves me, and he was devastated when my ex did what he did to me. He said he couldn't imagine why anyone would ever want to hurt me. Me and dad are now more like best friends, but I know that the feelings still run very deep within both of us, we will never be like a traditional father and daughter, because our relationship added so much emotion on top of those 'normal' feelings.

I know one thing, never again will I try to force myself to be anything other than what I naturally am. I am happy to be who and what I am. It's society that has the problem with us, and that's my point, it's their problem, not ours. If things had been different my dad wouldn't be carrying about all the guilt of having felt like he did something bad when he didn't, all he did was break a rule that shouldn't be there to begin with. In fact we would never have broken up in the first place, and quite likely we would have been very happily married. I miss him like crazy and I want him back, but I do not know if that will ever be possible. He's my soul mate, the only one I've ever loved so completely, and he's my dad. I carry no shame or guilt, because I am glad to be me and I am better off for my experience. I only wish he could feel so confident and comfortable with his sexuality too. One day, maybe he will come back to me, I live in hope.

The more I’ve talked with her, the more impressed I’ve been with how intelligent and articulate she is. She has a very strong sense of who she is. She keeps reminding me of the main character from The Unspeakable Act.