Cosmopolitan interviews some polyamorous women

Cosmopolitan recently did an interview with a few polyamorous women. This is part of the recent trending popularity of polyamory in the media.

Imagine if your "one and only" was one of many? Polyamorous people believe that you can love more than one person (sexually and/or romantically) at a time. In this week's Sex Talk Realness, Cosmopolitan.com speaks with four women about what it's really like to be polyamorous.

[...] What does your relationship look like?

Woman A: I was usually in a primary relationship with one or two other relationships that were more casual. I did not partake in any group-dating situations.
Woman B: It's about respecting a relationship for what it is, and not needing it to be labeled, necessarily, for it to be important. I have been with my girlfriend on than off for five years now. We are both open to other relationships, though at present we're not in other relationships. I have dated and hooked up with people a lot more than my girlfriend has, but she is looking for dating and sexual possibilities more now too.

I have had some other serious relationships in the time that she and I have been together. Because they were briefer, sometimes they felt a lot less solid or like I knew my other partners not as well as I do my girlfriend. But I am always looking for more closeness with other people. I really wish I had other close partners I lived with!
Woman C: Currently I am married to my husband of five years. We have both had other relationships in the past, and he currently has girlfriend who he has been with for a year and a half. He doesn't love his girlfriend less than he loves me; we have distinct relationships that are both deserving of time and attention. I am not currently in another relationship, though that could change.
Woman D: Neither of us believe in a primary/secondary model of relationships. In practice this has yet to be truly tested. The relationship between us is one where we consider each other to be life partners — we are engaged — however, we remain open to either or both of us forming a similar relationship with someone else.

Do you have any rules you never break in your relationships?

Woman A: We avoid setting lists of rules; simply an expectation of treating people with respect and relying on trust.
Woman B: I care about values more than rules, if that makes any sense. I don't want to abuse or be abused by my partners. I want to work through problems that come up as much as possible. I want a mutual attention to honesty and introspection. I want us to trust each other as much as we can.
Woman C: We don't use the word "rule." But for myself, one boundary is only having unbarriered sex with my husband so long as he is having barriered sex with his other partners. Another is STI testing before going beyond kissing on the mouth.
Woman D: Honesty and respect are foremost in all things. If anyone was ever uncomfortable with something or wanted to make or change rules and boundaries, that is something that would need to be discussed as soon as possible.

How do you deal with jealousy?

Woman A: Jealousy doesn't tend to happen when you have trust, honesty, and respect. And when it does, you're with someone you can talk it through with until you handle it as a couple, or group, or however.
Woman B: I used to think that polyamory necessitated a complete lack of jealousy. But I think that it merely provides a more honest and reflective framework to deal with jealousy. The idea isn't to never experience jealousy. It's just about learning to analyze why you feel jealous, and figure out how to deal with feeling threatened.
Woman C: I have gotten a lot out of Franklin Veaux's website and book More Than Two, which helped me to think about the root of my feelings (Is it feeling ignored? Anger at an unmet expectation?) and also about my own self-worth.
Woman D: I own it as an emotion of mine, not an action of theirs, and ensure that it doesn't sound like an accusation [when I bring it up with them]. Identify the root cause inside of myself and remind myself of my value. I may also need to talk about the jealousy with one of my friends.