I consider myself one of the lucky ones: happily married for decades, with a long-term girlfriend. GF is at this point part of the family, and while it hasn't always been an easy arrangement to sort out, it has worked for over a decade. Recently, I've been talking with other nonmonogamous folk and find myself wondering whether I have any responsibility to publicly admit details about my multipartner lifestyle. Though it's probably obvious to those we interact with regularly (GF is routinely part of holiday family functions and picks up kids after school, etc), we have never been directly asked, nor have we told. On the one hand, I want others to know that workable long-term nonmonogamy isn't just a pipe dream, but on the other, the details of my personal life are nobody's business. I'm certainly no role model, but am I crazy to feel guilt for not being openly poly?
—Nonmonogamous, Utterly Normal, Yet ApprehensiveHis response:
Not everyone who's poly can be out, NUNYA, just as not everyone who's gay, bi, trans, kinky, or poz can be out. But the only way to dispel myths about poly people and poly relationships—poly people are all burners, poly relationships don't work out for the long term, all nonmonogamous relationships ultimately fail—is for poly people to come out when and where they can. So if you're in a position to be out, NUNYA, you should come out.
And while your poly relationship isn't anyone's business, it's not something you should have to hide, either.