An Aunt and Nephew Denied the Freedom to Marry

Another interview from Full Marriage Equality:

I am currently a senior in college about to graduate. I attend school and reside in a nice apartment in a major city in the northeastern U.S. My ethnic background is white, being half Italian and half Jewish. [...] I come from a middle-class family consisting of my dad, mom and a younger brother. [...] I currently reside with my aunt. I had to move in with her when I was 18, since she lives really close to the college I attend and this allowed me to avoid expensive dorm fees. It is currently just us two, since she is divorced and has no children.

[...] My family life was pretty standard. My parents worked a lot and were always away on business trips. They provided a good life for me and my brother. I had a pretty average childhood. I attended school and hung out with my friends, participated in sports, received good grades. My aunt lived three hours away and visited very sporadically, mainly only seeing her on birthdays and holidays. [...] Yes I am in a sexual relationship with my aunt, who is my mom’s sister. My aunt is 41 years old and I am 22 years old.

[...] I had a pretty good relationship with my aunt growing up. She was my mom’s only sister and every time she visited she would bring gifts. She wouldn’t visit often since she lived three hours away, but every time she did, it was a positive experience. We didn’t have much contact with other people from our mom’s side of the family except for our grandparents so it was always nice to see her.

[...] I did have a slight sexual attraction to my mother while going through puberty, I always thought she was very attractive and started seeing her in a sexual way. I also had a sexual attraction to my aunt, she was also very attractive and resembled my mom a lot, and I definitely saw her in a sexual way. I believe that my younger brother might also have had some sort of sexual attraction to my aunt, as I’d catch him staring intensely at her in the same way that I did. However, we never really discussed any of it.

[...] I would say it was more of a gradual process rather than a sudden event. I didn’t know for sure that it was going to happen but I guess she had dropped some hints. She kept telling me about her divorce and how hard it was for her to date, and listing great qualities about me and how that would make any girl very lucky to have me. The more we talked, the more she would reveal and the closer the bond we would form, which also happened physically as she was always getting closer to me. For example, she’d put her legs on my lap or head on my shoulders or chest.

This eventually led to her confiding in me that she found me sexually attractive. I was very surprised and instantly shot back that I was also sexually attracted to her, and has been since I was a teenager. After a very long talk we ended embraced in each other’s arms. [...] I was very excited. but also felt a bit strange since I had never experienced anything like it before. I had been with other girls before, but nothing could compare to the way me and my aunt made love that night. I was feeling a range of emotions, from happy to excited to aroused, but I mostly remember feeling like I was on top of the world.

[...] I didn’t think it was possible for me since I never thought my aunt would ever feel that way about me. [...] I never had a problem with people from their own family having sexual relations. I think as long as both parties are consenting it’s all good. [...] Our relationship right now is that of a girlfriend-boyfriend. We don’t see other people. We go out on dates, we sleep in the same bed, we text each other throughout the day. We have been together for almost four years now and live together. We see each other as both family and lovers.

[...] Nobody in our family knows the full nature of our relationship. We are sometimes able to act as couple in public since we do live in a very dense and populated city so many people don’t think twice to seeing an older woman with a younger guy, but we never say we are aunt/nephew; we usually introduce each other as significant others. [...] I guess the biggest disadvantage is not being able to be fully transparent and be considered a normal couple. Not being able to marry is also a huge disadvantage. The advantages are that you get to share something beautiful with someone you have known for most of your life and have a huge bond with who you might never find outside of your family. [...] You are free to believe what you want but don’t discriminate against others or tell them what they are doing is wrong. I am perfectly happy in my relationship and would not want to be with anyone else. [...] I am graduating soon and hope to get a good job out of college so that I can afford to move us to a nicer apartment and continue our lives together.