Adopting Love

From Full Marriage Equality, the mother of a previous couple talks about her own relationship:

I live with my brother right now. [...] He was officially adopted by my family when he was two. He was one of two children adopted by my family, the other one was of my sisters. I was not adopted. [...] [We’re not married but w]e did have a family-only event where we just told the place we are a couple that wanted to renew our vows. It was a small event with only the two of us and my three kids.

[...] I was only eight months older than him, so growing up we attended the same grade. Growing up we did stand up for each other at times, but mostly we had a normal relationship; arguing, teasing. [...][I]t was gradual. By the time he was in college, we knew we wanted to be with each other. Once he graduated college, I moved in with him and we started our physical relationship and raising my sons.

[...] Well unlike most people I never had an inherit lack of sexual attraction to some of my brothers, and I did have fantasies about a few of them. I even liked catching them changing clothes, and talking them into skinny-dipping in the family pool.

I did kiss one of my other brothers once. This back in eighth grade for me and he just got his first car. We did not do anything more than a quick kiss. I would have liked to do more, but he did not want to. I also remember asking my sister which one of our brothers she thought was the cutest, and that's when I started to realize that most people have the Westermarck Effect.

[...] When we make love, I don’t think of it as taboo. It just feels right to me and him. [...] We have been together for almost 20 years now.  We both think of each other as lovers first and siblings second. 

[...] My oldest brother knows and did not take it well and thought I must have molested my foster brother, or that this was just a sign that we both needed therapy. After a while, he did calm down and he has kept it a secret for us.

[...] When we go on vacations we just say we are a married couple, and so far everyone buys it. It’s rather easy since he does not look that much like me and our children, but close enough that we pass. I think that we have a great relationship with each other after all, how many people can stay married for 20 years?  My twin sons have also been together for a long time as well. Also, since we grew up together it means we knew so much about each other before we even became a couple. I just wish I could be open to the whole world. We do plan to retire somewhere that no one knows us so we can be a couple.

[...] We are adults and we love each other.  Neither of us are sick and we were not abused by our parents or by each other. I personally really hate the argument that one of must be abusing the other and I have gotten that argument from one of my own brothers.

If their secretiveness seems unnecessary, it shouldn’t. In many states, including their own, marriage between adoptive family members is prohibited, and sex between adoptive family members is considered identical to sex between genetic relatives. Her sons may be twins, while she and her brother are only adoptive siblings, but as far as the law is concerned there is no difference. All are “guilty”.

A Same-Sex Marriage Still Denied

From Full Marriage Equality:

My name is Joel and I live in Texas. My brother and I work together. Elijah and I are identical twins. [...] We are in our late 20s, although we look much younger than that. In addition to my twin we have one other sibling, a younger brother, although he has a different dad. We never call each other “half-siblings” and personally I hate the term “half-sibling.”

I make enough that I can afford the life I want, and Elijah makes about the same. I don’t have children, I don’t plan on adopting, and I have no desire to have children. In my free time I play board games, and go to nudist resorts.  I am gay and polyamorous, and so is my twin, but right now it is only the two of us in this relationship.

[...] No I am not married, nor have I ever been. I would love to get married to my brother if it were legal. We have not really thought about have a ceremony, but after visiting your site we might plan one.

[...] Our mother was 14 when she got pregnant with [the two of] us, and struggled to make money until we were around 8.  It’s not that she was totally poor; her parents did help out and they even paid for us to go to a private school. Our mother was always very accepting, she even told us when we had the sex talk that if one or both of us were gay it would be fine. This was back in the late 90’s in Texas, so she was very progressive for the day.  She also let all three of us get earrings when we turned 7. Oddly enough, she is very tall, being over six feet.

[...] Our dad is my mother’s foster sibling. Now I know that technically means it is not incest, but most people would call it that [and in some jurisdictions it could legally be considered incest]. He told me that he had always been close to our mother, and he wishes he could have helped us out more, but he just did not have the money and he was going to college.  Once he did, though, he had mom move in and bring the three of us. This was in a small town so he had to be discrete with his relationship.  Later, he told us that he and his sister had feelings for each other back in high school. He is great dad and I make sure to call him dad in private.

[...] We first made out with each other when we were young. I remember we were at a campsite walking in the woods, just the two of us.  I made the comment that it’s like we are on a date. I took his hand and I then leaned in and we kissed for the first time. At first we tried to explain it away as it is just experimenting or a phase, but we did keep kissing at night in our bed and even when we took baths together.

[...] We knew that most people would not like us for even being gay, and since we went to a Catholic school we always tried to not let people know about us. When I started to feel attracted to Elijah I didn’t think it was wrong, but knew most people would. I always felt very strong romantic feelings for him and I never once felt like we forced each other. When I told Elijah for the first time that I loved him more than a brother and I wanted to always be with him, I was so nervous because I knew that even though Elijah would say the same, most people would not accept this. Overall, I think I have the healthiest relationship of my social circle.

[...] We have been together 12 years. We use the date that we first said we want to be more than brothers as an anniversary date. Right now, we have a stable relationship and we have a two-bedroom apartment together. [...] Really, at this point, the family and lover roles are inseparable. [...] We have been in a few poly relationships, and we have been in a few sexual parties, but we have never not been together.

[...] Our father and mother found about us when we were still teens, when she caught us having sex. Our mother was very understanding and just wanted to make sure that it was consensual. Dad also just told us to make sure to keep it secret. That’s when we found out their relationship was fully sexual. [...] Finding a poly group was great since they are rather supportive about us, and we do make out in the woods when we go camping. Mostly we keep any signs of our relationship private. [...][M]ost of our friends are gay poly people, or furries. I think we are very lucky to have any support.

[...] I remember one time I asked someone about consensual incest between adults foster siblings. He said that people who would do that should not be allowed to have kids since they are likely to molest them. I simply told him that that’s not true since I was not molested. I did not stick around to see his reaction.

[...] We have a met a brother sister couple in real life. They moved away shortly after we met them, but they were happy together. [...][We want to f]ind another person to add to our relationship since we do want a poly relationship.

Another cousin couple arrested

This time in Swaziland:

Two cousins have been arrested for engaging in a sexual relationship, knowing very well that their fathers were siblings. Mbongwa Dlamini (23) and Nomphilo Dlamini (18) have been charged with incest, emanating from their alleged relationship that was first discovered in 2013. The relationship resulted in the birth of a child, and [she] is expecting yet another baby. The first one is estimated to be around two years of age.

The couple has been defiantly staying together at Lebovu area, outside Nhlangano, despite repeated warnings from family members. Community members said the relationship between the two had been consensual and also a source of quarrel at their homestead. They said the couple had been warned on numerous occasions to desist from their weird behaviour but the love birds just decided to pour cold water on the issue. The pair admitted to the police that they were cousins and were also in a relationship.

It was the couple’s unabashed display of affection towards each other that led to their immediate relatives reporting the matter to the police. When the family first became aware of the affair in 2013, the couple was reprimanded but they wouldn’t let go of each other. Eventually they had their first child. Recently, elders were exasperated by the discovery that the girl had conceived again, and the illicit affair was eventually reported to the police. The couple was charged upon arraignment at the Nhlangano Magistrates Court, where they both registered a plea of guilty.

The duo was uncooperative when asked by the prosecutor about their strange behaviour. The magistrate wanted to know if they addressed each other as lovers or cousins when together. However, both suspects were seemingly embarrassed by the question. Instead of giving a response, they just showed long faces and remained silent.